The first rule of this soda is
DON’T DRINK
THIS SODA.
The second rule of this soda is…
The first rule of this soda is
The second rule of this soda is…
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How will your dentist afford that new yacht?
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We know how much you love those mysterious lab-created flavors.
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What do you think this is, a sports drink? We clearly don't understand the market.
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And no one likes vegetables. Go eat some kale.
Thought you knew classic cola? Think again. This one’s got attitude, bubbles, and zero respect for your nostalgia.
Bright, bold, and a little too confident — this strawberry lemonade doesn’t take criticism or direction well.
Might actually wake up your taste buds. Consider yourself warned — this orange creamsicle dreamsicle doesn’t play nice.
Zesty with a kick and zero patience — this lemon ginger firecracker might just start a fight with your tongue.
"Can't believe this doesn't have 42g of sugar. How am I supposed to get my sugar crash now? My productivity is through the roof. Terrible."
"Tried to hate it. Failed. 1/5 stars. Now I'm buying cases of this stuff and my friends keep stealing them. Thanks for nothing."
"My kids actually like this. What’s wrong with them? Now they’re asking for 'the soda with the warning label' instead of the sugary stuff."
“Who do these people think they are? Terrible marketing. Do they think I’m stupid? This reverse psychology isn’t going to work on me.”
“I gave this to my grandma thinking it was real soda. Now she’s doing yoga and meal prepping. SHE’S EIGHTY-SEVEN. Please bring back the good old days when she used to fall asleep mid-conversation.”
"I opened a can and suddenly started reading ingredient labels on everything. Yesterday I cried in the cereal aisle. I used to be fun. Now I have gut health. Thanks a lot."